VALENTINE'S DAY:AN ANNUAL MINEFIELD FOR GUYS-APPROACH WITH CAUTION
I’ve never really had a handle on Valentine’s Day. For me, Valentine’s Day is a lot like quantum physics, existentialism or The New Adventures of Old Christine. In short, I don’t get any of them.
My earliest recollection of Valentine’s Day was the elementary school ritual of card exchanges within the classroom. It was essentially a popularity contest which provided an instant ranking system. A thin crop of Valentine’s cards was a quick appraisal of your curb appeal, or lack of same, in the merciless glare of the classroom spotlight.
The winners in this scenario were always the most attractive female classmates who also possessed the best social skills. Even then I was not in the habit of giving Valentine’s to my buddies, and I was not alone in this concept.
That left the field wide open for the girls in the classroom because they had no problem with an inter-gender card exchange among their ranks. The real competition among the guys was procurement of as many Valentine’s cards as possible from as many of the highly ranked girls as possible.
The second less likely goal was a personal message written on the card by a highly ranked girl.
None of us realistically expected a strong affirmation of love from these girls, but a hand-written “I really like you” would have elevated us to high standards of public ridicule and private envy from my young male colleagues.
Valentine’s Day rituals were fairly complicated in those childhood days, but they are no less complicated in adulthood for guys.
You will be judged by your efforts and expenditure on Valentine’s Day, so a quick desperate lap around the supermarket for a dozen cheap roses and a card may not make the grade.
Women put a lot of stock in Valentine’s Day, while guys mark the occasion as the same day as the Daytona 500. This may cause a clash of February philosophies.
The concept of Valentine’s Day has morphed from a simple written exchange of affection via a short letter in the early 19th century to a more commercial exchange of cards in the second half of the 19th century. Suddenly everybody had a ghost writer to convey their affection for a modest fee.
Things got a lot more expensive in the back nine of the 20th century when Valentine’s Day got promoted to a serious gift occasion where good taste was not optional.
It was also a minefield for reluctant grooms who faced the pressure of Valentines and engagement rings as a good match. Most of these new obligations apply to young couples or new relationships in that early phase where both parties can still walk on water.
This is when Valentine’s Day gifts matter most but, like most guys, I have little insight into the perfect gift. I received a Valentine’s card from a female admirer during my university years which contained a short list of lewd suggestions.
I really liked it but I would probably look in a different direction for a gift for women.
I have little insight into possible gifts, but I would rule out woks. I tried that one. It came in slightly ahead of an iguana as a wedding gift which was another bad idea.
