THE GRAMMIES:WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE AND WHY SHOULD WE CARE ABOUT THEM?

I gave up on the Grammies a long time ago when ‘Baker Street’ lost out to ‘Copacabana’ as best song of the year. That was the moment when I realized that I could never take this music award seriously ever again-with lots of emphasis on “never” and “ever again”.

So now I find myself trapped in the biggest puzzle of all: Who are these people? Here are my conclusions about a sampling of the biggest stars/ nominees of the 2010 Grammies:

Lady Gaga is a colorful newcomer on the music scene. It would be safe to assume that she is familiar with the Madonna School of Marketing which involves odd stage clothes with a lean towards a bizarre underwear look.

Good on her, but don’t expect guys like me to know her song, sound, or optimal shelf life in pop music.

Read more: THE GRAMMIES:WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE AND WHY SHOULD WE CARE ABOUT THEM?

THE LAST CARTWRIGHT RIDES OFF THE PONDEROSA AND INTO THE SUNSET

‘Bonanza’ was a long-running TV western based upon the unlikely notion that a wealthy rancher outlived three wives and fathered three sons from the marriages. Ben Cartwright was the head of the clan and he ran the show on the Ponderosa ranch.

Every week was a new adventure for Ben and his young adult sons as they fought the forces of evil in the new frontier of the Old West. Along the way, they took enough bullets to safely line any nuclear reactor with a thick layer of lead.

The Cartwrights always fought on the side of truth and justice, but complicated plots meant that these guys had an array of adventures along the way. Complicated plots also meant that no Cartwright ever had a long romantic relationship.

Romantic female interests for the Cartwrights were in serious danger the moment they got involved with any of the boys. The Cartwright women had less chance for survival than any disposable extra on the original ‘Star Trek’ television series.

And those Trek odds were very low odds-extremely low odds.

Read more: THE LAST CARTWRIGHT RIDES OFF THE PONDEROSA AND INTO THE SUNSET

DO WE REALLY NEED TO PUT JAMES (JIM ROCKFORD) GARNER ON A DEATH WATCH?

There is a website totally dedicated to open discussions about famous people that are most likely to check out in the next year.

Most celebrities and their agents will tell you that there is no such thing as bad publicity. The exception to this rule would be a website such as deathlist.net that runs with a program of potentially dead famous people.

The bizarre part of this website is the open discussion of various reasons why the celebrities may have played their final show.

The forums treat the subject of death like an analysis of an upcoming football game with reasons for possible 2010 rigor mortis of people like Monkee Peter Tork, actor Dennis Hopper, aging Communist dictator Fidel Castro and bloodthirsty Communist nutbar Kim Jung-il.

Read more: DO WE REALLY NEED TO PUT JAMES (JIM ROCKFORD) GARNER ON A DEATH WATCH?

PETA-CLASSIC THREE STOOGES MOVES WITHOUT THE COMIC GENIUS

PETA (PEOPLE FOR THE ETHICAL TREATMENT OF ANIMALS) recently struck Moe Howard gold with a well-aimed pie to the face of Canada’s Fisheries and Oceans Minister Gail Shea.

This, in itself, isn’t the biggest news on the planet this week-unless PETA gets dragged into court on a Three Stooges “intellectual property” legal suit.

But it does shed light on the wildly escalating publicity stunt game plan found in groups like PETA.

That makes them a little dangerous and their dedication to staying in the glare of the global press is eventually going to make them a lot dangerous.

Read more: PETA-CLASSIC THREE STOOGES MOVES WITHOUT THE COMIC GENIUS