..... A FEW UNIVERSAL TRUTHS IN LIFE REVEALED AT LAST.....

There are a few hard core rules to life that we would like to ignore. Unfortunately, we encounter them on a painfully regular basis, so we can't ignore them or repress them deep into the cobwebs of our memory circuits.

Here are some things that happen far too often in life.

Two or more people in front of a bank teller are trouble- and not the simple bank robbery kind of trouble. This scenario means that they have an incredibly complicated transaction that will lock up that teller for a long time. Typically they want to do something that is well beyond the decision-making process of the teller, the bank manager, and probably the CEO of the bank.

However, they will play out their game and will likely involve other tellers before the matter gets resolved, usually as an unresolved time-sucking mess. The bank staff and customers will not be happy- and you will not be happy to the 10th power.

There seem to be an unwritten set of rules for entering a store: Most people seem to slow down and spread out shortly before grinding to a complete halt in the entrance. Bear in mind that McDonald's has turned us from a formerly skinny society into something a little more super-sized, so we face an impenetrable large human wall at the Gates of Walmart.

Life inside a store is even more complicated by shopping carts, large people and narrow aisles. Throw in their complete oblivion to other shoppers and you have found yourself in the inner circles of retail hell.

Stores have added self checkout for your convenience. In theory, it's a brilliant solution to the age-old problem of checkout clerks that hate their jobs-even if they still haven't quite mastered them. The reality is that many customers haven't quite mastered self checkout yet either.

So the whole self checkout game is based upon levels of customer competence, and this is where the system fails miserably.

Eventually you will get through the checkout process, but be prepared to come to a complete halt as you exit the store. Apparently the same spread offense entry pattern exists with exit patterns as well.

It's similar to football except that most of the shoppers are bigger.

The last rule of life is a pretty simple math equation: The greater the hurry you are in at the gas bar is directly proportional to the probability that the customer in front of you wants a very obscure brand of cigarette that the clerk can't find...

and a mixed bag of 200 lottery tickets.

Jim Sutherland @mystarcollectorcar.com

COMMENTS

BERNIE:"Too true column guys - a lot of that is applicable here in socialist nirvana."