A MESSAGE TO THE NEW YOUNG GRADUATES OF 2010 THAT YOU WON'T HEAR FROM YOUR PARENTS
It's a pretty exciting time for the newest generation of high school graduates. A twelve year sentence in the school system is over, and the options have opened up a bit. The only obstacle in the near future is the plucky speech part of the ceremony itself. Once you clear that difficult hurdle, the fun can begin.
Unfortunately, I can only speak to the male section of the graduating classes. It's my strong game because I am a member in good standing of the male gender.
So let's get this party started and cut through the BS that has been shipped your way during the speechifying segment of the ceremony.
The first thing that you have to do is love your hair. By the time the ten year high school reunion comes around, a lot of it will be gone. You don't even want to think about the 20 year reunion. Sure there are going to be some guys that will not lose their hair, but most guys are going commando on the scalp at some point in life.
So love your hair. Don't dye it three shades of bizarre colors or grab onto a hairstyle that looks like something that was shot at and hit. When you get older and look back at pictures from your young hair-filled days, don't disappoint yourself with a horrific flavor of the day style. Unless chicks of the day really dig it.
Speaking of chicks, here is another thing that will happen to you: Some babe is going to dump your ass. Sorry gentlemen, it is a fact of life and it will seem like the worse thing that ever happened to you. Realistically it is not even in the top 375, but it won't seem like it at the time.
The important thing here is to man up when it happens. No amount of whining is going to change what happened and she actually did you a favor when she skidded you. Somebody had to make a move and she had the guts to end a highly flawed relationship. Celebrate her good judgment and move on to new business.
Seeing as how I am not your parent, I can make a suggestion that is not in the parent's handbook: Wake up in as many strange apartments as bad pick up lines and incredibly good luck will allow you. You get to be young only once, so use it wisely and well. Make a lot of bad romantic decisions so you know enough about women to make only one long term right decision. Otherwise you will end up as a freshly minted divorced guy in your late 30s trying hard to recapture the lost youth you should have misspent a long time ago.
Get into a fight when you are young. If you lose, you'll heal faster and it is a character builder in the long run. A fight will make you confident that you can take a punch and weather the storm of a possible ass-kicking.
One more thing, tequila is a coin toss. It will either lead you into a heap of trouble or one of the best nights that you can't remember-or both.
So there you have it gentlemen, the speech about a bold new future that you will never hear at your graduation ceremony.
Congratulations.
COMMENTS
DENNIS:"When I went to my 20 year high school reunion back in 1983, I sure didn't remember going to high school with all those fat, bald headded old guys?"
KAREN:""Pffftttt.....well there is a true male/redneck perspective if ever i heard one ! You know that you are making all us mothers cringe eh Jer?Jim? ...not sure who wrote this one..i am sure someone will print this one and pin it on their wall !!!!"
JENNIFER:"OMG- I'm cracking up, those are soooo true and FUNNY!"
