THE TRAGIC DEATH OF BASIC CONVERSATIONAL SKILLS AND ETIQUETTE

Somewhere along the way we have dumped basic social courtesies along a busy freeway where they got run over by a whole bunch of rudeness. I am not sure how, why, and exactly when, but the conversation game has changed- much for the worse. Let’s look at the biggest crimes against basic conversation that are committed far too frequently.

One of the more serious offenses is the chronic interrupter. These are people that will choose to knock off the back nine of your sentence and substitute it with their own finish. Usually I brace for the interruption, so I insert a pause in my point to allow the interrupter to hijack my air time and finish my sentence for me. The interruption usually results in a bad guess at my actual point, or a completely different direction chosen by the interrupter.

My point is usually lost in translation, along with a significant amount of respect for the interrupter.

 

The message that comes through on these adventures is that the interrupter believes that he or she has a larger and more important message to deliver. The rest of us are only there as lowly observers, so we are not expected or encouraged to engage the interrupter in a two-sided participation exercise with an actual yin and yang flow to the conversation.

Most interrupters probably have no idea that they have taken a rabid alpha dog death grip on the conversation. They live in a bubble world of fantasy that they are the de facto president for life of every conversation because their call is important to them. Yours, on the other hand, is not.

The interrupters in today’s world do explain the insane growth of text messages. So far, they can’t interrupt a text message and I would imagine that is a huge source of serious frustration for them.

A slight variation on the interrupter is the person who will let you finish your sentence, but you can tell that they are barely fighting the urge to interrupt. They have that pained and distracted look in their eyes that is also seen in untrained dogs. An untrained dog has that look where it wants to chase a ball and can barely contain its excitement. Fido just wants you to throw the damn ball. Nothing else matters to the mutt.

People are the same way. There is a 100% chance that a closet interrupter has not heard a word that you said. They are busy doing a fast edit on their point that will be delivered approximately 3 nano-seconds after you end your sentence. You are merely white noise to closet interrupters as they ready themselves to deliver a masterpiece of wisdom and information.

My final source of irritation is the competition conversationalist. A competition conversationalist will hear your point- more or less. Then they will deliver those famous words; “Well that’s just like….” No it isn’t, but they will mold their larger and more important point around your lowly and less important point. They want to swallow your point with the same level of compassion demonstrated by a very hungry great white shark swimming with a slow- moving group of seals.

In retrospect, I guess that is the best perk from writing this column: It’s tough to interrupt me while I make my point.