THE MAY LONG WEEKEND-WHEN STAYING HOME MAKES SO MUCH MORE SENSE
You have to love the May long weekend. It’s our first real opportunity to shake off the winter dust, unshackle from modern conveniences like central heating and indoor plumbing, and head for the crowded hills armed with a river of booze and a quad.
Despite the obvious appeal of that scenario, I will probably stay comfortably within a tight radius of the city limits all weekend. I’ve done my time as a long weekend warrior and I have the battle scars to prove it.
There are certain personality types that are a fundamental part of every long weekend. Some of the worst are the geniuses on quads who rarely set a foot on the ground during the entire weekend. They prefer to let everyone know that their call of the wild is four wheels attached to a chain saw engine.
These are people who should be used as grizzly bear bait.
Mix a solid afternoon of margaritas into the quad scenario and you have a booze-heavy Evel Knievel wannabe doing his stunts shortly before medical emergency people get invited to his show. Nothing says macho like a .19 blood alcohol level.
Then you have the closet arsonists who insist that the only good fire is one big enough to melt iron ore. Early man had less attraction to fire even after he discovered how much better
I have a simple rule of thumb when it comes to fires; people should be able to stand close enough to melt marshmallows, but not clothes to skin.
What is it about the wilderness that makes people want to make so much noise? Are we that uncomfortable with peace and quiet? I remember one long weekend that got a lot longer when one crazy drunk woman wanted to hijack a campfire gathering with her own brand of bad flavor of the week country music.
At the time the background music was a heavyweight collection of the musical god known as Van Morrison played at a comfortable level of sound. She decided to pull her boyfriend’s pickup very close to the fire and serenade everybody with Shania Twain music played well into the red zone of volume in the truck.
The one way that would have worked for me is a scenario where Shania was serenading me in person, completely naked, and with me as the only other person around the campfire. I could have accepted that.
Instead an unhappy camper hijacked the evening with a juvenile display of behavior that would have embarrassed a 5 year old into a sincere apology. I had never met this woman before that weekend and I have spent no time with her since that May long weekend. But I owe her a debt of gratitude.
She was the final closing argument about the wisdom of May long weekend “staycations” for guys like me.
It’s quieter and I come out of a long weekend with the same level of respect for humanity with which I started the weekend when I just stay home.
COMMENTS
DENNIS:""Ol lizzie" my Model T made my holiday plans for me. I've been noticing a strong gas odor in the car recently and I found the problem. My gas tank has developed a very small seam leak. Why would I have a gas odor IN the car? The 26 and 27 Model T's have the gas tank directly behind the dash board. You can reach under the dash and touch it. I'll be taking out the gas tank to have it repaired before it starts dripping gas on my feet.
